Nick was elated to be newly appointed to a VP role in a high-tech firm. Surprisingly, it was the first position he’d ever held that would require him to manage a large, multidisciplinary team, including some people in customer-facing positions. When we met for the first time, it’s safe to say that the new role veneer was beginning to wear off. Nick was struggling and a bit nervous about what he’d gotten himself into by accepting the job. After all, he’d been in a comfortable role as an independent contributor for the prior five years and had mastered all the ins and outs of that job. He was revered as the company’s “resident expert” in new technology, and Nick wore the moniker with pride.
“With a few exceptions, I find most of my new team difficult to work with,” Nick shared. “They don’t understand the product that we need to launch and keep pushing back on my directives. We’ve got an aggressive goal to meet, and I don’t need this resistance.”
When I joined Nick in a meeting with his team, the core of the issue became evident. He knew the technology side of the equation well, but the employees interfacing with customers were raising product concerns that Nick hadn’t considered, concerns that could cause his launch plan to fail. Throughout the meeting, he shut down multiple attempts to discuss the issue. Nick wasn’t buying any of it. Instead, he was wedded to “the Singular Story,” a phrase coined by Sabrina Nawaz, coach and author of the new book You’re the Boss, Become the Manager You Want to Be (and Others Need).
I’ll bet you’ve seen this phenomenon before. Maybe you’ve even been a victim of it. It’s when leaders embrace one way of thinking about a situation, problem or solution and resist any inquiry that’s counter to their point of view. Their attachment to a Singular Story leaves them defending their position rather than inviting curiosity about their perspective. Such defensiveness stifles ideation and creativity, which is kryptonite to success in a highly competitive industry.
Getting unstuck
If you’ve struggled with your grip on your own Singular Story, the first step to relaxing it is recognizing when it’s happening. According to Nawaz, three clues hint when you’re stuck in a Singular Story:
- You feel defensive or righteous. When others offer viewpoints that are counter to your own, you feel frustration rising, even to the point of tightness in your throat or chest.
- You lose curiosity about others’ opinions or perspectives. As Nick did, you may find yourself shutting down discussion and debate or valuing only the individuals who seem to agree with you and appreciate your brilliance.
- Your team responds with silence. The more insistent you are about the accuracy of your point of view, the quieter the room becomes. When your team stops challenging you, it’s often not because they agree with you. Instead, they’re just less willing to voice reservations or alternatives because you refuse to hear them.
Beyond recognizing your attachment to a Singular Story, you need to understand why you’ve adopted that story in the first place. In Nick’s case, he realized he had formulated his point of view based on years of experience and his desire to be viewed as a subject-matter expert. When his team challenged his perspective, he equated it with a devaluing of his expertise.
“It feels like the time I’ve spent developing knowledge of this technology was minimized by their challenges,” Nick admitted.
Nick’s Singular Story was not only tied to experiences Nick couldn’t go back and relive but had also shaped who he had become – the “resident expert.” So, the message Nick heard whenever others challenged his ideas: “We are discounting your ideas and you with them.”
Practice multiple meanings
When others challenge your ideas, it feels uncomfortable. Lean into the source of that discomfort: Is it fear that your ideas aren’t relevant? Is it a concern that your experience might not be respected or valued? Does it feel like insubordination or rule resistance on the part of your team?
List all those discomforts on a piece of paper or in a journal. (Trust me, this old-school methodology triggers important memory and recall centers in your brain.)
Then, practice the art of multiple meanings. Nawaz suggests that you identify different ways to interpret a challenge to your Singular Story. Consider, for example, positive reasons your team might be challenging your perspectives: They’re invested in developing a successful product. They feel personally tied to the company’s success. They respect you enough to tell you if they think you’re headed in the wrong direction or they have new information that could influence the decisions the team makes.
Now, add the alternative reasons you’ve developed to the list. Pick one or more of the alternatives and experiment with embracing it as truth. How would doing so change your reaction when your team offers a different idea or perspective?
Give this a try at your next meeting or interaction with someone who thinks differently from you. Reframe your approach and get curious. Ask:
- What things do we need to change to achieve success?
- What do you think I’ve gotten right about our approach? Where might we need to shift emphasis?
- What new or additional information do you have that might improve our outcomes?
Then watch as your attachment to a Singular Story dissolves and is replaced by something much better — a culture of healthy curiosity and debate and a team that works with you to deliver great results.
This article was first published in SmartBriefs, February 2025.